I know is always very bad to be emotional and pessimistic but sometimes certain things just sparked off during the day and the mood just go on a decline...


Yest my family went into a quarrel due to a stupid uncle... I was dragged into the picture for nothing and this just resulted into quarrels and frustration. Sometimes I duno why some people cannot just mind their own business and look after their own family, but go around trying to make life difficult for other people's family. I just want to tell these people to mind their own business.. Losing such relatives wouldn't put us at a disadvantage but rather more of an advantage...

Went out with Joseph and Dexter yest night for supper. It's been a long time since I last saw them and I told them about all the frustration I had over the past few days over that "person" who tried to use suicide to gain sympathy from the crowd. Actually I wanted to forget about the whole issue but that "person" just keep reminding me of it. All his SMSes just occupy my inbox for nothing and everytime I read those messages, I duno whether to laugh or to be angry. After knowing the situation, I know is almost impossible for me to get my money back and I'm trying my best to sort of "forget" abt it at the moment cos I know there are many more people who needs the money back more urgently than I do. But no matter how generous I am, or some of you may think the amount is insignificant, I would still feel the "pain" and currenly being zero income status, getting the money back can sometimes be important to me. I feel so cheated at times when I came to know that he is in such a bad financial state since many years ago, way before i enter NSSC. Then y in the first place u wan to act like a santa claus? Y you want to let the whole world feel that u got lots of money to spare? Is this just a scam of yours to try to force money out of us? I try to retain the respect I had for you but all that u've done just make me think that you are just a loser. Now, I really dun feel like asking you about y all these happened. I just want my money back and that's the end of everything.


Then we went on to talk about me feeling down over results and all that. So I told them ya perhaps i didnt put enough effort to study and my absence for elective lectures just put me into a bad position. And after today, I'm even more certain that results is everything. With results, you can just simply talk abt anything (i mean sch stuff). Without results, you are just like a loser listening to people's excitement or people's goals in life. Although I'm not so-called the academically inclined, but I would say my sec sch life and jc life is very enriching and I got wad I wanted. Now, everything just seem so hard. I have no CCAs, not in any committee, purely go there and fulfil my academic requirements, but still I don't do well. Perhaps, I need to keep myself busy? Participate in more activities? I really duno. I'm beginning to agree with "Grades are everything. Without it, you can't even go for the interview." I know this sounds like some GP essay topic but I think if you choose to oppose it, you would have hard time finding points to validate your stand. I really didn't study as hard as the others?

I think recently nothing just go right. A few weeks ago, I told 1 fren that I encountered a dream that I had an arguement with 1 fren. She said u think too much but it really took place yesterday. Not only 1, in fact 2. I'm beginning to think am I really seeing things differently from others and I could be wrong or simply I expect too much from others. Sometimes, how i wish I could say things like "i'm not bothered", "i dun care", "not my concern", "none of my business".. Maybe I mind too many businesses that's y I'm not doing well in anything. But if I dun bother, would things be better? Esp I'm those kind that can't stand problems hanging there, with no conclusion or end to it. I just want to get the things done and move on to other stuff. Perhaps, someone is right. I think too much. I think all this started since army with me trying to do my very best and at the same time guarding the people around me. Maybe I should just think that the world is kind and everyone is treating me well.

Yuesi, if this carries on, with me thinking too much, I think I would visit you very soon. Haha..

It is really very bad to fall sick during exam period, esp for subjects that requires lots of memory work to be done. Nothing seems to go into the head even after reading it like 5 times. Haiz...

I'm finally able to do some proper revision now for the HRM exam on thurs but there is so much to memorise and I have so little time left. Though the fever is gone, im still feeling quite lethargic and tired to to continue reading the stupid text...

I got to continue reading no matter wad.... I didnt SU this module so I got to really put in lots of effort to do well. Is HRM my forte? I really duno.....

I think disappointment always come together... Think it is really like that... Let me vent my frustration here ok? I'm not picking on anyone or angry with anyone. Let me throw all my anger, sadness here. If not, I oso duno who I can tell it to except this blog.

Sorry if I sort of "broke down" today. I think certain things, the more we talk about it the more agitated I become, then i lose control, then i raise my voice, then i'm stuck in between words, then i will just lose my cool and........Really paiseh to let you see such an ugly side of me. I think you are really trying your best to console me but at that point in time I really couldnt get anything into my head.

Yes I was a bit disappointed when you told me "You eat liao nothing better to do, go send us such emails." In fact, I was a bit hurt when you mentioned this online. All along I thought u understand what I'm going through during this period cos I always grumble to you, complain to you how stressful and tired I am to plan all these events. Sorry if you got to always listen to me grumble but I really don't know who I can go to. It is really hard for me to tell the rest as I hardly meet the rest individually and the best way to say such stuff is when we go home together with nobody around us. I won't want to keep mentioning such stuff to so many people IF not they will think that I'm unwilling to do all that. But sometimes I'm just too tired liao.. 11 ppl from different walks of life, different backgrounds, it is really hard for me to plan it in such a way that everyone is happy. Everytime I do it, I got to think is it fair to so and so? Will they like the place? What should I buy and what's the budget? When all these question marks popped out, it is like bombs bomming your head. I may be strong but sometimes I also need to rely on people don't I? I really want to bring everyone together and I'm begining to enjoy doing all these. But what you said sort of have "poured a pail of cold water" on me. I actually dun wan to say all these becos I dun want ppl to think I claim credit but too many things happened and I just need an avenue to vent all out.

Sorry, XXXXXX... I know you have been helping me a lot and listening to me but today I just cannot control myself. Sorry... I also know that you not trying to "xuan yao" in front of me. U just wan to share your happiness. But sorry I couldnt share any cos I really did horribly. I really feel happy for you for doing well cos I know you really put in a lot of effort this sem. I also know that just now you trying very hard to console me to make me feel better, but at that point in time I really couldnt listen. I know sometimes im so "soft" and "emo" until u cannot tahan me but I promised I will learn to be strong. Dun worry... I'm sad but I won't go jump down the MRT track. I dun want to be the 2nd one at Clementi MRT station to go onto the track. Haha..

Everyone don't be worried for me cos the greater I fall, the faster I picked up and move on. I need to move on and I need to be more confident. I will be fine. Sorry if im not able to share with you all my grades or wad, but i really want to move on. And if you have done very well this sem, just note that I'm happy for you. Grades good or bad, life continues. Happiness or sorrow will oso go away. So just remain happy and look on the bright side of life.

I managed to survive and sit through the 3 hr HRM lecture alone on tues.. Really must salute myself.. So boring yet I still sat there and survied the entire duration.. Immediately after his last slide, I rushed out of the LT, headed for the bus stop, hop onto 179, headed for City Hall. I'm the 1st to reach City Hall, next was Michelle.. Haha.. She thought she would be late, but she didnt.

Zhimei, Yuesi and Eileen arrived shortly after and we headed for Hot Pot Culture @ Marina Square. Wanted to try out this place very long le... Ever since its debut on Channel 8 Smart Shen qian wang, I wanted to try le.. Plus Jeremy, the vegi "xiao lao ban" who supplies veg to them commented that the food there is not bad, I decided to go for a try with my choir peeps.

Share with you guys some of the pics we took @ Hot Pot Culture.....



My pot of soup... Each one of us get a pot and is up to us to decide what to put in our pot. I chose the chicken soup base and as recommended by the "boss", I put in a lot of cabbage to make the soup sweet. (P/S: Jeremy say he's not the boss, but he got the look leh.... Haha... I even thought the women beside him is his wife and the cashier is his son.. Haha) Not only the cabbage, I added my fav "Dang Ou" into the soup... Dang Ou makes me think of Ming Dao, esp Channel U is now repeating "wang zi bian qing wa"... Of course I must add lots of "dang ou" la.... One of the most ex veg in the market... It goes very well with soup...